The Power in Surrender

Posted: May 28, 2014 in Uncategorized
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The problem with blogging (for me) is staying true to myself, especially when that “self” is often in flux.

I am such a philosopher/ thinker / emoter, that my opinions,  feelings, beliefs, actually do change from time to time. This leaves me with the conundrum of re-evaluating each and every former post for ” truth”.

(Which, in turn, makes me wonder how in the world people like me ever publish books without freaking out 10 years later that they no longer agree with themselves! ..ah the bliss of a complex brain..) 
Anyway,  I digress ( as usual) 
For a while now I have allowed the last entry ( about death. prayer,and not understanding God) to sit and simmer while I have gone on with life and continued wondering.

The other day though I had a tiny revelation. It shook me up a bit ( and made me squirm in discomfort ) 


There is POWER in SURRENDER! …

Now, that statement is pretty much a huge oxymoron.

Power equals strength and fortitude. Surrender is giving up..

How those two coexist is, in my thought, pure Duality..usually. 

But, the other day I had a “moment “( I am beginning to think life is just made up entirely of these)

I was in a place I am all too familiar with;a place of insecurity, even fear.

I am not speaking of physical fear either. ( Ask me to go skydiving with you. I will totally take you up on it!) 
This fear is much worse than the fear of death or heights or spiders ( or any other such fear)

Its the fear of being hurt emotionally by others, of things I cannot predict..or, dare I say it, control..(the whole “control freak” thing i will save for another entry..)

As I struggled inside that distraught moment I went all “warrior” and pulled out my usual ” arsenal ” of weapons.

I prayed in tongues, ( out loud, with force) I spoke against the fear ( loud, authoritative) I even “visualized ” things the way I wanted them..

But, it all fell flat.

Once again, I was banging on the doors of heaven with a rock..with no response. 

So, in that moment I suddenly just- dissolved. Tears. 

And only one prayer issued out of my mouth in that second ;

” Jesus, help me.”

I realized somehow ( not for the last time) that the problem lay not in the circumstances but in ME. In My mind.In My heart. And I knew with blazing clarity, that nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do would change that..

except for HIM..


 I instantly felt better..truly. I am not just saying that.

It was like a river of cool peace just flowed over my overheated, over-controlling soul. And I LET IT GO. ( not a movie reference! )

You want to know the most amazing part? Those negative circumstances CHANGED that very day!

And not by anything I did/ prayed/ or did penance for! Circumstances literally changed.

People came to me..Doors of opportunity just Opened..It amazed me. It still does.

Is it possible that our Jesus,that the Holy Spirit within us, just wants us to cry out to Him sometimes? 

And not because He is on a power trip and likes to see us cower!

But because when we are at our weakest HE is Strongest..

Our surrender makes HIS Power Evident, Able, Amazing!  

Don’t get me wrong. This is still an oxymoron to me.

My human brain and stubborn human will really wants to protest the philosophy of power in surrender.

But that’s just the thing. Philosophy, no matter how logical,  cannot stand against EVIDENCE.

I believe there is still power in tongue speaking ( no doubt) and spiritual warfare but, I also believe there comes a time when we must just surrender ( to HIM alone) and allow His power ( not ours) to work in our lives.

(and maybe this is a truth Ben Sauer’s mom already knew..)

I still have so much to learn. For while the caterpillar is no more, this butterfly must still learn- how to use it’s wings…

“I know that when I pray, something wonderful happens. Not just to the person or persons for whom I’m praying, but also something wonderful happens to me. I’m grateful that I’m heard.”- Maya Angelou (R.I.P. to a truly Great lady)..


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