50 Shades of – Compromise

Posted: April 14, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Sexuality is not an easy topic to talk about in Christian circles.

There seems to be the unspoken thought that chatting openly about said subject implies you are “promiscuous” or “bad” or even “perverted”.

I wish this were not so.

In the right context, human sexuality is something we all, as believers, need to understand and, within the covenant of marriage, greatly enjoy!

But, lately, our culture seems to be fast forwarding into a type of sexual frenzy..in all the “wrong” ways..

You cannot watch tv, surf the internet, shop the stores, even drive your car, without being reminded of the flesh.

Half naked bodies,  suggestive ads, lewd situations in sitcoms, dramas, movies..LUST!

Lust NOT LOVE..It bombards us every single day.

Our culture says we are missing out if we don’t join them..Explore! Experiment! Learn!..

But to what end?

Just recently I was surfing Facebook.

I happened to notice that a “friend” had posted a picture of a rather innocent looking book cover.

Being a former avid reader, it caught my eye, until I saw the title..”Submissive

The pretty,choker style necklace, displayed on the book’s cover, took on a “whole new meaning”..

I guess I should not be surprised anymore by the things I sometimes see in my Facebook “news-feed”.

But, this particular instance really bothered me..and not for the first time.

Truthfully, It is not the first time I have seen Christian women promote these types of books..

In the past couple of years The book “50 Shades of Grey” (and it’s sequels) has been hugely popular with female readers.

So popular,I probably don’t even need to explain that it’s a novel for women about Bondage, Domination, Submission, etc. (BDSM)

Premise? Women meets handsome, intriguing, man . Women and  fantasy man have very very detailed sex (so detailed that many women use these books as a manual to “try new things”)

Basically, it’s Porn for women with an intriguing story-line thrown in.

What pornography does for a man, these type of books do for a women..(I’m not going into more detail than that..)

Before you wonder

“Is she against having sex? Enjoying sex?” “Is she a “prude?”

Allow me to ease your mind,

Nooooo waaaay!!.(once again, no more detail than that..)

BUT (and this is a huge, non negotiable, BUT..)

Only within the covenant of marriage! 

This is what irks me most about Christian women reading these types of books;

There is not a single book in these series that is about a committed, Married, relationship!

The characters are not only having a sexual relationship/fantasy (that even begs us question if any love at all is involved anyway) ; they are also having that sex OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE.

I’m sorry (not really) BUT, How in the world do we  justify reading this garbage!?

Unless we really don’t believe what the Bible says about sexuality?

Or maybe we are not even familiar with what God thinks?..

(It’s called a BIBLE. You know, that book you hold in your hands every Sunday in church..You might want to try reading it..)

Trust me, I have heard the justifications.

“It helps my husband and I in the bedroom. It makes me a better lover.”


So, let me get this straight; Reading about other people sinning is going to help you in the bedroom (or wherever..see, not a prude) in your married, God ordained, committed, relationship?.

A book about a single women having a hot, sexual fling ,with a younger man who likes to use her for his own pleasure is going to help your marriage relationship?..

That relationship which is meant to be Pure, Holy, Non-selfish…?


Perhaps I’m missing something..

I know how I sound. Judgmental.

I do not apologize.

If the world can talk about these things,

if they can make sex into a shallow, flimsy, non fulfilling , act for selfish pleasure,

then why cant we, AS CHILDREN OF GOD, talk about what it is really meant to be?!

But, perhaps you are saying,

” I am not DOING the things in the book! I’m just reading about it!”

What begins in the head and thoughts will eventually manifest in the outward actions, my friend.

Many a man who has struggled with an addiction to pornography will tell you that, eventually, he physically “acted out” on the fantasies in his mind..

I’m sure the courts are full of divorce cases that began in such a manner..

Do not fool yourselves, ladies,

Women are NOT immune to this.

I ,myself, am not innocent when it comes to this topic.

(I will be honest.  If you have not read my testimony then you should know I understand what I am speaking of when it comes to “sexual immorality”..Where did it lead?

I eventually wore the proverbial “Scarlet Letter” ..

I do not walk that road anymore. But, having been there, I can tell you in all truth..

You Do NOT want to walk that road. It is misery.

Not only did I nearly lose everything I love in this world,but I also live with consequences from my actions..

Forgiven? yes.

But scars remain..

I am not sure what else to say here. I have said my peace.

I deeply CARE about my Christain sisters (and brothers) in the Lord. I hate to see us fall to the lies of the enemy.

You are so much more..We are so much more than physical, sexual, beings.

Sex within marriage is wonderful. (my God is not a prude..Just read Song of Solomon..)

But, the counterfeit the enemy offers is a cheap, flimsy knock-off.

It will never, ever, satisfy…

“Allowing your sinful nature control your mind leads to death.

But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace”. (Romans 8:6)

Life and Peace to you, my friends…


But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Eph. 5:3

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” I Corinthians 6:18



  1. I understand what you are saying. I read the first 50 book to see what it is about. In all honesty, I don’t know why it is so popular. The author is a horrible story teller. On the other hand, other than the Song of Solomon, literature about “Christian” sexuality is very hard to find. Even blog posts about it are hard to find. Where does a Christian woman turn when she wants to learn how to be better in the bedroom? I love my husband and want to bring him the most pleasure, sex is like dancing you can have passion but you gotta learn the steps. Though the book’s premise is wrong (as are all romance or erotica novels, and chick flicks) I did learn something from it as a Christian. A large part of the BDSM relationship is trust. You have to trust your partner to look out for you. I don’t practice the acts in the book, but I have learned to trust my husband more in the bedroom and out.

  2. Marni says:

    I am starting to believe He is allowing those of us who have struggled with porn to be triggered by all this junk lately so we can point others back to Him. Thank you for sharing this. It only helps me, and so many other women, realize we aren’t alone in this arena.

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