I Don’t Have To Like You (just Love you)..Thoughts on church “family”..

Posted: March 15, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I am beginning to think there is a misnomer proliferating churches now a days about how church “family members” should treat or act toward one another..

I have to wonder, where did the idea come from that just because Jesus said to “love our fellow man” we often take that to mean we have to “like” them too?!..

It seems to be the consensus in most churches that you are expected  to “really like”, be “friends”, or “interact on a regular basis” ,with the people you go to church with.

We seem to like to force the idea of ,”We are all family therefore we must all get along and look like a  happy family”..(more potlucks! more worship team outings!!…uh huh..)

But, lets think on the very term “family” for a moment..

Let’s focus on brothers and sisters in particular.. (because that is often how we refer to one another,right?..)

Now, do family members always get along?

Let’s be real here; Do they always even “like” each other?!

In most families there is a deep bond of love that permeates even when family members don’t get along.

( for instance, you would defend them, maybe even die for them, but, be stuck in a small space for an hour with them with no way to escape? um, nooooo…)

Siblings especially can have issues with one another since they are often opposite personalities (or very very much alike)

In most cases, any extreme “sameness” or “difference” can cause deep feelings of dislike (and,if not handled carefully, even bitterness and hate)

I believe the church “family” is like that too.

We are called to love one another, help one another, pray for one another..but, seriously, do we HAVE TO hang out with one another?

Or, even work with one another?(if we don’t get along or are uncomfortable with each other)

Since when did the church adapt the “sappy happy philosophy” that “We can all get along because we are all “One” (*cue aria music of angelic choirs)

I know I am stepping on toes.

(Suck it up and go get yourself a band-aide. )

This is not the “pretty, scrubbed clean, picture” of an uber happy church family all singing Kum ba yah  around the campfire.

This is about real people with real personalities that DON’T get along..or DON’T like one another ..(News flash..It’s happening in your church peoples, like it or not!)

and, Disliking someone is not a sin!

Let me use a simple example of real, biological, family dynamics.

Say you have two siblings that constantly squabble over one another’s toys  and even resort to blows if left alone too long..

What do you do with those two children (if you want to stay a sane mommy)

You SEPARATE  them!

(unless you are one of those tree hugger, hippy types, and then you probably have a conversation with them about how they “need to love and use their words”  and then lock them in a room together to “work it out” ..) Hmm. more power to ya in that case..

Now Im not saying we should not work on our “issues” we may have with others in our church (by all means TRY to be Nice!) but, I do believe there is a point where one has to say ” This person and I just don’t jell. Maybe we can just agree to disagree.” (it happens)

In that case the church leaders should probably just let things be and not “push” for greater bonding between those individuals, or couples, or groups..(this can actually make matters much, much worse and signal a misuse in power , leading to manipulation..Trust me, don’t even go there..)

If you are reading this and wondering if this applies to you (or me and you) sorry, I’m not divulging that information just yet. Just allow me to summarize with this;

I don’t believe God has commanded us to “like everyone”. There are too many differing personalities in this world that clash for that . What Jesus did say was “LOVE”..

Love for my fellow sister or brother in Christ  does NOT mean I have to Like you, or hang with you.

It means I wish you well. I wish you blessings.

But, maybe, just not too close to me..or my family.


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